This year’s Unicorn Capture has ended in yet another consecutive (and uninteresting, might I add) loss with no success by any of the competing teams. This unfruitful event, already ostracized by many since it is the only non-magical, non-Squib event, has truly turned up quite a laughable audience. After watching the players wander aimlessly around in the freezing cold for well over a few hours now, many are just excited to escape the stadium and warm themselves with Butterbeer.
“Why I’ve even sat here this entire time, I don’t know,” lamented Gilbert Hitchen, Irish spectator. “I should’ve just come back to watch Skrewt-Sledding and skipped this entire thing.”
That’s not to say that all were unable to find entertainment in this year’s hunt. Several teenage witches and wizards were spotted, pointing and laughing, as the team from Kazakhstan went to grab what ended up being a pile of snow and bumped heads.
“This is the most fun we’ve had, yet!” shouted Morgan Ogden, one of the teens. “Tossers. The lot of ‘em.”
Earlier in the day, we watched as Ronja Seppänen and Mikael Peura spanned their netting between two trees in the hopes that a unicorn would attempt to pass through it and entangle itself. This went to no good use since all that became trapped in their net was not a unicorn but Canadian contender Brooke Cote. The three broke out into a physical fight after the pair of Finnish trap setters attempted to help Cote break free. Mediwizards were rushed on scene and escorted Cote, who suffered a broken nose, from the event. Lucky for her a quick healing spell was performed, and she was good as new.
Simultaneous to this, UK competitors Byrony Carlisle and Lewis Dempsey proceeded to slowly walk the grounds of the event, exerting a rather loud, low-pitched noise that seemed to mimic what they believed to be a “unicorn mating call.” Sadly, I must report this was met with nothing but loud jeers and snickering from spectators (the teens included).
Ivanna Utkina and Leontiy Mateev representing Russia both displayed very visual signs of anger and frustration at their unsuccessful attempts at capturing a unicorn. At the sight of what was actually a unicorn and not just snow, both members of the team sprung into action. Utkina, relying on unicorns’ innate and natural preference to females, slowly attempted to approach the animal head on. Mateev instantly darted behind and out of sight with their team’s only net, ready to ensnare on queue. Just as Utkina was within arm’s reach of the unicorn, Mateev let out an abrupt cough, which startled it and lead to a close miss. With the unicorn no longer anywhere in sight, Utkina began kicking snow, and Mateev followed suit by screaming in frustration and casting the Fire-Making Spell on the ground.
Unfortunately, this resulted in a nearby tree catching fire, and smoke began to fill the stadium. Since magic is strictly forbidden during this event, Mateev was immediately disqualified and removed from the field; the fire was quickly put out, and the game finally called to an end.
“That was the most exciting part of it, yet!” commented Elsie Flume, a British spectator who seemed less than thrilled to be watching. “Next year they ought to introduce magic. Or think about not having this event at all. What a waste.”
It is with no surprise that I report that once again, no successful attempt was made in catching a unicorn today. Better luck to the competitors next time; they’ve got four years to polish up their unicorn-capturing skills in the hopes of being the first in over 150 years to successfully catch one during the Wizolympics.
-Cadmus Penrose, Daily Prophet reporter