As the Skrewt Sledding event approaches its final hour in the 483 ½ Wizolympic Games, it is with much excitement that I bring to you the last installment of this violent yet undeniably thrilling event. We’ve watched competitors from all over the globe with wands at the ready and Blast-Ended Skrewts ablaze race down the half-mile snow-covered slope for a chance at the gold. Things have been heating up (no pun intended) since earlier in the day aince it appears one of the finalists, Alden Weatherby of the UK, has suffered an injury to his… feet… in the opening round and is up in arms with Adam Vakhrushev of Russia about it.
“He was trying to kill me, I know it! Jealous git.” shouted Weatherby, knocking over his attending mediwizards. “Shut it, you win already!” retorted Vakhrushev, whose leading Skrewt was only a mere twelve inches from Weatherby’s feet in the opening round, inflicting third-degree burns on the now-injured finalist. And with the sound of the five minute mark still resonating in the air, Weatherby hobbled over to the starting line and has joined fellow finalists Devon Taylor (USA) and August Christiansen (Norway) to prepare for the final race to the finish.
“Wonder how he’ll do on that foot,” questioned Teague Cavanaugh, who competed and lost to Weatherby in the first round. “I know some other guys who would be hoping to see them all lose if they were in my position,” she said. “But I’m actually really excited to see ‘em get out there and try to win. I’m big on passion. What can I say?”. The Skrewts were awfully calm, waiting for the familiar sound of the cannon to start them off on their final run.
The cannon shot reverberated through the air, and the three finalists begin their final decent down the slope. The Skrewts seemed instantly energized by the familiar boom, immediately tugging their potential champions down the hill after them. Devon Taylor’s Skrewts seem to be particularly aggressive today, with his lead attempting to gnaw at one of Christiansen’s, who retaliated with a Confundus Charm. Taylor’s lead Skrewt came to a confused halt and was trampled over by each Skrewt behind, causing a tumbling, tangled mess. Taylor’s sled took a nose-dive, flinging him head first into the snow.
With Taylor seemingly down and out, Christiansen and Weatherby raced side-by-side toward the finish line. One of Weatherby’s left-most Skrewts began to use its blast to rocket itself toward one of Christiansen’s right-hand Skrewts and attempted to penetrate its armor with its stinger. Immediately following, Weatherby’s Skrewt broke free of his sled and propelled itself after his competitor’s Skrewt! With Weatherby not far behind and a rogue Skrewt on the loose, Christiansen had little time to react to secure his position as victor.
Following his strategy from the opening round, Weatherby attempted to repeat yesterday’s race by using the Reductor Curse to cause a tiny avalanche of snow and rock from the above ridge to try and bury his opponent. Christiansen reacted by casting Arresto Momentum (with beautiful form, I might add). The snow and rock slowed to a snail’s pace, leaving just enough gap for the contenders to rush past. Weatherby immediately looked disgruntled – but not defeated. Just a few more yards at that point; Weatherby began closing in on Christiansen and… wait… what was that noise?
Out of nowhere comes Devon Taylor, hurdling at top speed toward his competitors. It seems Taylor had cast a Cheering Charm on his lot of Skrewts, causing them to break into an uncontrollable laughing fit, or for Skrewts, a sparking fit! I’d never seen anything like it! Taylor rocketed past BOTH Christiansen and Taylor and crossed the finish line FIRST!
The crowd erupted in a mixture of both excitement and bewilderment. “What in the world was that!? That was… that was a disgrace! A Cheering Charm!? On Blast-Ended Skrewts!? Taylor should be disqualified!” exclaimed Royden Summerby, a big fan and self-proclaimed Skrewt Sledder. “That was amazing! Big win for the US; knew he’d do it!” Natalie Flint, American fan, said. “I think a lot of people were expecting Taylor to win because of how seasoned he is, having won gold medals and competitions before. And for a second there I wasn’t sure he was going to. But he came through in the end!”
There you have it, folks; we close Skrewt Sledding by congratulating our American victor Devon Taylor for bringing home the gold!
-Cadmus Penrose, Daily Prophet reporter
*No Blast-Ended Skrewts were harmed in the creation of this article.