As the Squib Games came to a close in Sochi, things heated up amid the slushy snow.
Just after Avalanching concluded on Thursday, the Squib players were charged with the task of shoveling their way back down the mountain. Before they could get far, ten Cornish pixies mysteriously arrived on the scene. Three snatched Diggory Pitts’s (USA) shovel from his blistered hands and began to shovel snow on top of his head while the other pixies dumped snowballs down his underpants.
After the pixies were captured by officials, Diggory Pitts was informed he had been disqualified from the games for breaking the magical creature rule by Judge Constance Coupe (France). (No magical creature is allowed to shovel for any contestant). An irate Pitts grabbed ahold of Berti Belloni’s (Italy) Firebolt shovel and chased Coupe up the mountain. Wizolympic officials subdued Pitts with the Full Body-Bind Curse.
An investigation found that Coupe had been placed under the Imperius curse by WETS founder Ira Tater, who is currently awaiting trial. It was she who had smuggled the pixies and released them on the Squibs.
Despite this revelation of foul play, Pitts was still removed from the games for unsportsmanlike conduct. A Memory Charm was placed on Pitts in order to subdue him. He now believes he has won the gold. Wizolympic officials announced this evening that he is on an airplane (Muggle flying contraption) back home with his family.
Diggory’s departure put Ophelia Pancho (Mexico) in the lead. She is the only female Squib to ever compete in the games.
“Proud of her. If I were younger, I’d be right there with her,” commented Arabella Figg. “Poor Diggory, though. He does love his shoveling.”
The games closed at sundown at which time contestants and spectators took Portkeys back to the Firebird Stadium where they were awarded as follows:
Gold: Ophelia Pancho (Mexico) – 1,985 lb.
Silver: Madden Folly (UK) – 1,972 lbs
Bronze: Chetan Chowdhury (India) – 1,971 lbs
Perrick Ackerman (Australia) – 1,900 lbs
Berti Belloni (Italy) – 1,003 lbs
Fuming at Chowdhury stealing the bronze, Madden Folly negotiated a trade which included the silver medal and a Muggle grass cutter in exchange for the bronze. Chowdhury obliged, so he’s our new silver medalist. All participants were allowed to keep their Firebolt Shovels as souvenirs. Hopefully we’ll see them all back in 2018 – though I don’t know how they’re going to explain announcing Pancho as the reigning gold medalist to Pitts, who is sure to return for another games.
Signing out from the 2014 Sochi Wizolympics,