We are now on Day 6 of the fifteen day-long Squib Snow Shoveling games. With a heatwave hitting Sochi, much of the shoveling has been of slush or after-game clean-ups. Squibs received special permission to shovel dragon dung after the Dragon Wrangling competition completed on Saturday. While the large piles could have been wiped away with a flick of a wand, it was felt that the Squibs would enjoy the task. The Wizolympic Committee is donating all dung collected to the Herbology Department of Russia’s Mudrymag Academy.
“How do zey expect us to compete wiz no snow?” complained Fulbert Bonheaur (France) of the lack of snow on Monday after refusing to participate in the Dragon Dung shoveling. Fulbert was disqualified later that day for inciting a beautiful Muggle girl into using his shovel in her garden while he tanned in a lawn chair.
“Well…he…got…what he… wanted,” remarked a breathless Diggory Pitts as he continued to shovel. Pitts, not going against any rules, convinced a sympathetic witch (Ameilia Weatherbee) to conjure a mini blizzard in a ten-by-ten foot patch of grass outside the Wizolympics stadium, allowing him to continuously shovel. Wisely, she used the Muggle-Repelling Charm to conceal the area from Muggles and give them the feeling of needing to go for cup of tea whenever they get near Diggory’s location.
Pitts reportedly has not slept and is using a Muggle device referred to as a catheter (whose function is too gruesome to explain but can be guessed) to keep from having to use the restroom more than once a day.
“He outta de mind,” commented Berti Belloni (Italy), sipping espresso at a nearby cafe. Belloni currently holds the sixth place position, which doesn’t seem to bother him. “I hearah for de esperienza. Who care-ah about gold-ah witout love-ah?” Belloni no doubt is referring to the recent loss of his life-long love, Osanne Meira Belloni, who tragically chocked on a hotdog on a family vacation to New York.
As the games stand, Diggory Pitts holds the lead by an incredible 977 pounds of snow (and a lot of dung) shoveled. Ophelia Pancho (Mexico) is second in line with 432 pounds, and holding onto bronze is Madden Folly (UK) with 430 pounds of snow. Folly seems to be doing all he can to ensure no one snags his long-held bronze from his grip.
Reporting live from the 2014 Sochi Wizolympics,