SOCHI, RUSSIA—Declaring they have finally discovered the culprits behind the now ubiquitous Olympic rings fiasco and a slew of other mysterious mishaps that have occurred at the Muggle Olympics this past week, officials of the Russian Ministry have captured 27-year-old Fillion Brokeworth and 34-year-old Theodore Nott, both of Surrey, London.
“We were only trying to have a bit of fun,” lamented Brokeworth, after he was captured trying to sell cookies to unsuspecting guests at the Muggle Olympics that were secretly filled with flobberworms. ”They’re Muggles for goodness sake! Who ruddy well cares what we do to them?”
Meanwhile, reports have been coming in around the clock from Krasnaya Polyana where just about everything that could go wrong has, and Russian wizarding intelligence warns this duo was likely not alone in their delinquent escapades.
At press time, Arthur Weasley, Head of the Office for the Detection and Confiscation of Counterfeit Defensive Spells and Protective Objects, had this to say: “This isn’t the first time delinquent wizards have sabotaged Muggle sporting events, and it certainly won’t be the last… our offices are working in concert with Russian security forces to root out these criminals before they do any more harm.”
“We’ll get them, folks,” he added after his solemn speech. “We’ll get them.”
Be sure to keep up with The Daily Prophet as we bring you the latest details on this story, as well as our larger coverage of the 483rd ½ Wizolympics!