Twleve Alternative Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches

Twleve Alternative Fail-Safe Ways to Charm Witches


  1. Love potions, although that’s the easy way out. (Merope, we’re looking at you, you poor thing. :( )
  2. Cook her a lovely meal, made with eye of newt and toe of frog, wool of bat and tongue of dog… (You’re bound to get a kiss for such Potion-making skills! Then again, maybe not. Snape didn’t.)
  3. Transfigure something into a puppy. Transfigure anything into a puppy. Puppies, puppies, all of the puppies! (Sirius Black knew what he was getting into being an Animagus.)
  4. Bored of Hogsmeade? Try the Forbidden Forest! Ten points to whoever can get past centaurs, the Whomping Willow, Grawp, and Aragog’s band of acromantulas! (Note: some of these activities may lead to consequences such as pain, severe pain, and/or death. Consult your Healer before any pursuance.)
  5. Steal a Divination orb and look into your future. Make sure you describe her, though, as she looks into the ball. (Much like one Ronald Weasley did during his Divination O.W.L., though he ended up insulting his examiner. Do not do that, or this witch will never speak to you again! Actually, give you’re using Divination as a means to woo her, she might not speak to you ever. Hermione was right to walk out on that class.)
  6. Buy her a Skiving Snackbox! A witch needs to skip class now and again too. (Note: As per the Weasley twins, all liability of any disastrous consequences for either party is on the customer. After the sale, the merchant has no more responsibility.)
  7. Astronomy class isn’t just for class: it’s for romance. (The Big Dipper and Little Dipper are too simple for you. Show her Andromeda, Venus, even Uranus… *facepalms at what was once Ron’s feeble joke to Lavender and Parvati*)
  8. Ask her to the Yule Ball. (If Hogwarts ever has a dance again. There’s something called Cedric-Diggory-was-murdered-by-Lord-Voldemort-during-the-last-Triwizard-task. Touchy subject.)
  9. Compliment her on her Hogwarts robes, even though everyone wears the same thing. (Try: “Wow, they’re so clean! Did you use Scourgify today?”)
  10. Invite her for a ride on your broomstick. Witches love broomsticks.
  11. Give her a potted plant. There’s no doubt she’d love to take care of it, have it to spruce up her dormitory…just make sure it’s not Devil’s Snare. (RIP Broderick Bode.)
  12. And the last fail-safe way to charm a witch? Charms class.


  1. Well Hermione fell for it, didn’t she? There were glimpses of Hermione liking Ron before sixth year but it took tips from a cheesy book for Ron to start making an impression on Hermione, a girl he’s known for five years before then. Showed to me how much Ron’s character to change just to become slightly worthy of Hermione.

    I do know this looks like a joke-ish article but still.

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